Let’s start with this: the Bible is pretty clear: As Christians, dating and marrying non-Christians shouldn’t be on the table for us. 2 Corinthians 6:14 is about as blunt as the Bible can be. It’s not because “we’re better” or “they’re not as good as us” – morality has very little to do with it. If your relationship is going to be meaningful and long-lasting, then believing completely different things about the most important things in the universe will eventually cause tension and compromise.

So if that’s the cut off point, what’s with the controversial title? The reality is that there’s quite a lot of Christian guys and girls out there (Queue hundreds of emails saying “Not in my church there isn’t!”) but just because they tick the “Christian” box on your marital checklist, doesn’t automatically mean you should date or get married.

This applies to ladies and men: they may be the one remotely cute person in your church but that doesn’t mean that they’re the right one for you. Following Jesus is about much more than the bare minimum of not breaking the non-Christian rule. It’s about finding someone who is wholeheartedly pursuing a relationship with Jesus and walking alongside them and following him together.

I know this sounds a little bit harsh and judgemental but the practical implications are massive and will save you plenty of heartache. If you’re committed to lots of serving at church and he doesn’t really understand why you’d want to do that, there’s going to be tension. Following Jesus involves time, money, sacrifice: our whole hearts and our entire lives. If someone isn’t up for that kind of journey and you are, then maybe press ‘pause’ on the dating for now.

Be aware: this doesn’t mean you hold your boyfriend, fiance or significant other to an impossible standard. We’re all in need of grace, all in need of growth, all “not yet what we will be”. We’re talking about a godly direction, not absolute perfection, here. The best thing you can do is ask Jesus, ask some trusted friends and ask your Pastor, small group leader or a leader in your church. Don’t settle for just a “Christian”. Your future self will thank you.