Joyce Meyer is one of the world’s leading practical Bible teachers. A bestselling author, she has written more than eighty inspirational books, released thousands of audio teachings, as well as a complete video library. Joyce’s Enjoying Everyday Life radio and television programmes are broadcast around the world, and she travels extensively conducting conferences. In her book, Do Yourself a Favor…Forgive, Joyce, delves into the important process of forgiveness.

Why is forgiveness so important?

So many people live with anger and unforgiveness, and many of them are Christians. At conferences, I have asked the crowd, “How many of you are mad at someone right now?” And it’s been amazing to me that each time, it looks like about 80-90% of the people raise their hand. So it’s a common problem that we need to confront. I know from personal experience how damaging it can be to live with bitterness and unforgiveness. I like to say it’s like taking poison and hoping your enemy will die. And it really is that harmful to us to live this way.

Why is forgiveness so difficult for us?

When an injustice happens, we want to be vindicated. A lot of times, people feel that if they forgive the person who hurt them, then they will continue to take advantage of them or not take responsibility for what they did wrong. And if we’re honest, we’ll admit that we usually want the person who hurt us to pay for what they did. We can’t get past this until we get the revelation that only God can pay us back. He is our Vindicator and will heal and restore us if we will trust Him and forgive our enemies as He has told us to do.

How do you know if you have truly forgiven someone?

Forgiveness is not a feeling—it’s a decision we make because we want to do what’s right before God. It’s a quality decision that won’t be easy and it may take time to get through the process, depending on the severity of the offence.

The first step is the desire to do it, no matter how you feel toward the person who hurt you. Then you make the decision to do it, and it’s a “quality decision,” which means it’s a firm decision that won’t change when your feelings change. The next step is to depend on the Holy Spirit to help you do what you’ve decided to do. See, just deciding to forgive isn’t enough because willpower alone won’t work— we need divine strength from God. As He gives us the strength, we need to pray for our enemies and bless them. Praying for those who have hurt us is vital to successfully forgive them.

Can you forgive so much that you become a doormat?

God isn’t asking us to be doormats for people to walk all over. There are going to be times when He leads you to confront someone about their bad behavior. Forgiving others has to do with your heart attitude toward them and how you treat them. Jesus never mistreated anyone just because they mistreated Him. He confronted them in a spirit of gentleness and then continued to love them. The Bible tells us not to return evil for evil or insult for insult in 1 Peter 3:9. Romans 12:21 says we overcome evil with good. When we forgive our enemies, we are more concerned about what they are doing to themselves than what they are doing to us.